Mommy Dearest

It's been a while, I know. Truth of the matter is that between moving, working, having another two surgeries on my pelvis, and moving at the speed of frozen molasses at damn near all times has left my normally energy-stricken self absolutely drained. Regardless, Avery has made me take a day off and just sit around, and even though I've longed for the day that I could not use crutches for strategic mobility purposes, I'm sitting here longing to be at work. Odd, aye?

Anyway, I'm sitting here bored out of my mind pretty much couch-ridden and awaiting the next dose of Oxycontin which will put me in yet another narcotic analgesic coma for a few hours, and I ran upon a news article that struck me as absolutely representative of what will inevitably be the downfall of this country, if not just the downfall of any company that acts in a manner that warrants someone running to some form of a media outlet in a non-justified outrage.

The gist of the story is as follows: A woman in Arizona was about to fly from Phoenix to Baltimore for a family gathering and she was bringing her one-year-old twins. It's common fact that a baby under the age of two can travel in its mother's lap and the women decided to call Delta in advance to explicate and ask about a special condition. What's the special condition? Her children were in fact conjoined twins whom share a heart yet have separate respiratory systems, therefore linking their bodies at the chest. In response, Delta told the woman that she would have to buy two seats on account of the fact that she would require three emergency masks in the case of emergency. Accordingly, they said "Look, we're sorry but we're just trying to protect your twins in case of a pressurization failure. On a crowded flight there wouldn't be enough masks to protect both of them if you don't buy the additional seats."

Naturally, this wasn't good enough for the mother that obviously cares so much about the safety of her children. No, no! Outraged, she contacted local newspapers and news programs to get her story out there and to stand up for penny-pinching parents everywhere who expect something for doing nothing more than being a parent. What absolutely annoyed her the most was, as she stated, "the audacity of Delta to tell me to contact the Red Cross to ask for help in paying for the additional ticket." The media exposure, though limited in scope, was enough to send Delta's damage control team in to smooth things over because it's pretty well common knowledge that the airline industry, and Delta in particular, is flailing and already on the population's eternal shit list. Delta, thus, told the woman she needed the additional seat but said they would pay for that additional seat.

Wait a minute! Are you fucking kidding me?! Is it just me, or is the logical end to this story that completely lacks any form of poignancy and has no signs of the asceticism that is motherly love should be to have that womans ability to the claims of motherhood completely revoked? What kind of mother would make an absolute mockery of her children's safety simply because she's cheap? It's not as if conjoined twins are flying daily on flights, and I'd say the fact that the airlines allow a child to sit on their mothers lap is more than enough of a freebie for people who have children and choose to fly {much to the dismay of the rest of us who in turn get to hear your child cry like a fucking banshee for the duration of the flight}. I'd even understand the woman's dismay if she was traveling to a medical facility for the conjoined twins, but she wasn't. Where was she going? A family gathering, something that is completely volitional and not required in any way shape or form to begin with. I'm not saying she had no interest in going, but I am saying it's absolutely ridiculous to travel across the nation with your statistically rare conjoined twins for an event that isn't required in any way, become outraged when, for the safety of your children, the airline tells you that two separate seats are required, and then go cry about it to every media source that will listen to you so you can get your way.

If she couldn't afford it but really wanted to go, then she could do what millions of others do: Drive. Instead, she chose to take the highly dramatic route of kicking, stomping, screaming, and yelling, and instead of smacking her ass and demanding she show some respect for the reasoning behind why she said no and the authority figures right to say no, Momma USA took the woman in her arms, justified the temper tantrum, and gave her exactly what she wanted and left behind a legacy that embraces the immaturity and selfishness our real mothers literally beat out of us when we were two.