Jaws

For those of you who do not partake in the mighty and awesome wonder that is Shark Week, then not only am I jealous of the fact you can go to sleep before 2am because you aren’t nerdy enough to get sucked into the awesomeness, but you are missing out on a wonderful showcase of my homeland. If there’s one thing we got, it’s sharks. Lots and lots of Great White sharks. And yes, before you ask, I’ve seen a Great White, I know someone who’s been bitten by a Great White while surfing, and I continue to surf the Cape in light of that “attack.” Shit happens, aye? Can’t hate on an animal for doing what it’s intended to do just because you’re not the seal it was hoping for. Jy weet 'n blou hond se kont daarvan* the rules of the ocean , so, can't rightly get pissed at a shark for your invasion of his world and disobeyance of the rules, ay?

So, I’m sitting and watching Great Whites maul random things, listening to peoples attack tales, and the entire time I’m pining for South Af and getting more and more homesick. I’m saving up my vacation time for the inevitable moment Rachel gains another ten pounds and vows to kill my brother for getting her pregnant and am required to offer her sanctuary in my apartment, but mark my words, I will go back to South Af this year if I have to slap a jetpack onto Avery and ride his ass all the way there. I will say “Howzit?” and hear a “Ja, well, no fine” in response, and I won’t get looked at like a total idiot when someone asks me how I’m doing and I say “No fine” instead of “I’m fine.” Momma! I’m coming home!

*roughly translated means “You don’t know the rules of”