Monthly Fucked up
I like to think that I'm blessed with some of the utmost and inexplicably fucked up conversations. I usually write down the amusing conversations I've been lucky enough to be apart of, but now that I have this blog I feel it's best displayed here and not in my notebook. I like to share, what can I say.
Me: Congrats on being pregnant again!
Rachel: Fuck off.
Me: [blank stare]
Rachel: Don't look at me like that! We'll see how you feel when you get pregnant for the third time in less than two years. Christ, I'm never going t loose this baby weight and I am so not looking forward to getting so big again I can't wipe my own goddamn ass!
Me: [blank stare].
Dad: Things better with Nirel?
Levi: Still haven't talked.
Me: Just talk to her, already. Ask her what's wrong and that should open the floodgate?
Dad: She's right. Most relationship issues first come about as a lack of sex in the relationship.
Avery: If you don't want to know what her issues are, just guilt her into having sex with you. Works for me all the time.
Dad: Is that so?
Random Guy: It figures that the hottest girl in this complex is married.
Me: It figures the only person in this complex to ever talk to me can't seem to shift gears on his bike and pedals like a maniac to go two feet.
Random Guy: Hey, I just complimented you.
Me: Did I not just compliment you?
New Boss: Elaine, do you have those boards ready?
Me: It's Emanuelle, and yes I finished them. Let me get them for you.
New Boss: Great, thanks Elaine.
Me: It's Emanuelle.
New Boss: Wow, you certainly draw well. Keith, you didn't tell me we had a veritable artist here! Eleanor is quite the commodity.
Keith: Eleanor?
Me: She means me.
New Boss: Yes, Elaina.
Me: Emanuelle, my name is Emanuelle.
Keith: Not worth it. Let it go.
Me: Isn't it amazing how all this shit was built in ancient times?
Avery: I know. How the fuck do you build something like the Eiffel Tower without modern construction equipment?
Me: Please tell me you aren't serious.
Me: Congrats on being pregnant again!
Rachel: Fuck off.
Me: [blank stare]
Rachel: Don't look at me like that! We'll see how you feel when you get pregnant for the third time in less than two years. Christ, I'm never going t loose this baby weight and I am so not looking forward to getting so big again I can't wipe my own goddamn ass!
Me: [blank stare].
Dad: Things better with Nirel?
Levi: Still haven't talked.
Me: Just talk to her, already. Ask her what's wrong and that should open the floodgate?
Dad: She's right. Most relationship issues first come about as a lack of sex in the relationship.
Avery: If you don't want to know what her issues are, just guilt her into having sex with you. Works for me all the time.
Dad: Is that so?
Random Guy: It figures that the hottest girl in this complex is married.
Me: It figures the only person in this complex to ever talk to me can't seem to shift gears on his bike and pedals like a maniac to go two feet.
Random Guy: Hey, I just complimented you.
Me: Did I not just compliment you?
New Boss: Elaine, do you have those boards ready?
Me: It's Emanuelle, and yes I finished them. Let me get them for you.
New Boss: Great, thanks Elaine.
Me: It's Emanuelle.
New Boss: Wow, you certainly draw well. Keith, you didn't tell me we had a veritable artist here! Eleanor is quite the commodity.
Keith: Eleanor?
Me: She means me.
New Boss: Yes, Elaina.
Me: Emanuelle, my name is Emanuelle.
Keith: Not worth it. Let it go.
Me: Isn't it amazing how all this shit was built in ancient times?
Avery: I know. How the fuck do you build something like the Eiffel Tower without modern construction equipment?
Me: Please tell me you aren't serious.
Labels: monthly fucked up.
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8 People Who Bitched:
I think it's highly possible that you're just a magnet for this kind of behavior.
I believe Blog Portland is dead-on.
Also, fell off the chair on that last one!
wow, you DO have interesting conversations! thanks for the laugh...totally hilarious!!
Blog Portland: How does one become predisposed for such a thing, though?
Dangerdoll: I guess nowhere in Physics PhD does logical come into play, huh? I can't believe I might procreate with this guy!
Photogirl: I attribute it to having a large family and meeting more people than anyone should while getting tattooed :)
Well Eleanor I think you should come up with a creative name for your new boss...something that stings, something that lingers...
And I LMAO at your "compliment" to that douchebag in your complex
These would make fantastic comic strips Gertrude.
I like your conversations alot. I seem to be a magnet for such conversations, as well.
Maria: Not sure how hard it is to get someone's name right! My name is plastered all huge on the door into the half of the basement that's my "office." Oh, and those people crack me up-the ones who peddle so fervently only to barely move.
Ryan: Think so? You write it, I'll draw it. No inking bullshit.
Trouble: Thank you. I tried to read your blog but I'm not an allowed reader. So sad!
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